Sadness, and happiness.

My Boyfriend and I had been together for 8 happy years and Christmas 2006/2007 decided we were ready to expand ourselves!

We were very fortunate to get Pregnant easily and instantly, I was 35 so had some very small worries that it may take some time. We took a pregnancy test on Valentines day and celebrated our wonderful news together and then on Mother's Day shared our news with our very excited, soon to be Grandparents!

We had the 12 week scan and all seemed well. We started to look at Baby clothes, toys etc but didn't buy anything as I'm a little superstitious and also didn't want to know the sex of our baby as we like surprises! I started to grow rapidly and was working full time and feeling really well and absolutely loving being pregnant.

We had our 20 week scan at the beginning of June and my Boyfriend was working so decided to take my mum with me to share the excitement. I laid on the Bed while the nurse started to scan me, and very quickly I sensed that something wasn't right. The room stayed silent for what seemed like ages while the nurse looked deep in concentration at the monitor. She then switched everything off sat me up and told me that she had seen severe abnormalities with my baby.

It was Friday morning and I had to wait until Tuesday for a full in depth and detailed scan of my baby. Those 3 days seemed endless. I waited until my boyfriend got home from work to explain what had happened and we spent 3 days just feeling frightened and also having to discuss the fact that we may lose our baby.

We went for the big scan on Tuesday and were very looked after by all the doctors and nurses. The scan took about 25 minutes and we were then told to go into another little private room. The Doctor then came in and explained to us that our baby had such severe abnormalities that our baby would have zero life quality. We were utterly heartbroken and had to make the terrible decision of ending the pregnancy. We were then sent home and and had to come back on the Thursday morning to be induced.

I gave birth to a little girl at 1.40am on the Friday morning. We named her Rose. The midwives were very kind, compassionate and caring and we were in a private room away from new mummy's and daddy's which I was very grateful for. We had a beautiful funeral for her and she is at rest in a baby garden with lots of other little ones that weren't meant for this world.

I was 22 weeks pregnant when we lost her and she was born on June 8th 2007. Her actual due date should of been October 15th. We came home from the hospital and carried on with our lives but I still had that maternal feeling of wanting to be a Mum.

Well, by August, I was pregnant again. I was really happy to be pregnant but also very frightened. I had several scans throughout the pregnancy and was monitored closely. I had a fairly straightforward pregnancy and once I got past the 20 week scan I did relax a little bit and start to enjoy my pregnancy.

I gave birth to a beautiful 12lb baby on Boy on April 17th 2008! He was a whopper! We named him Wilson and he has fulfilled our lives in a way I could never imagine!

Not a day goes by that I don't think about our beautiful Rosé and I look at some of the Children in my sons class who's birthdays are in October and think what she'd be like now, but i also wonder if it was all supposed to be this way? I'm an optimistic person and although I have moments of terrible sadness about what happened i also except that good things happen in life and sometimes sad things happen too.

I'm hoping that by sharing this story it may help somebody who has suffered baby loss will see my happy ending and give them hope.

It's Baby loss Month in October and all over the country we release balloons on certain days of the month to remember.

We are a very busy and content little family and I hope my story helps. Lots of love to all you wonderful Mummy's, your all doing a grand job! Xxxx