I took my son to the nursery for the first time for an hour trial last week. They told me I could leave, go off and have a coffee. "Really?" I asked. I had been told that this would be a moment in life where tears may fill my eyes. I glanced back at my son, so small in this new environment full of toys and busy children and I left, closing the door behind me, and the gate, and another gate, and finally another. I walked with nothing in my hands. I felt free. I went to a coffee shop and ordered a large coffee and then I sat in the window and read my book for a few minutes. Then I looked out of the window for a few minutes at the people with their busy lives, doing things and I just sat there. It felt lovely, there were no tears, this was amazing, it was great! I felt like a bad mummy for feeling this way. I check my phone. I have 30 minutes left. I read my book and look at the people again. I look at some photos of my son on my phone. I think I tapped my fingers for a bit and then I put on my coat and walked briskly up the hill back to the nursery. There he was! He looked up and saw me and cried as he remembered I existed and then as I scooped him into my arms and smelt his warm little head, my eyes filled with tears.