I've just been looking through my son's Religious Education book from his first year of school, and found this.
When I finally stopped laughing, I started thinking about my pants. Specifically, the kind of pants we wear as mums. And I started to wonder if my son was so very wrong - maybe, just maybe, an emergency pant intervention could change my world...
We listened to the story 'An Important Meal' and talked about Holy Communion. We then decided what we would give to others who don't have what we do.
Teacher: "What would you send to those elsewhere who don't have what we do?"
5 year old son: "I would like to send my pants."
I can imagine his teacher's face. Solve the third world's problems with... your pants??
But I can see his logic. He's a generous caring boy and he knows that children elsewhere often have very little food, water, and clothes. What's the first thing we all put on in the morning? Of course. Pants.
Plus, in his case, it's normally superman pants. Which gives him a superhuman start to the day, superhuman powers, and the superhuman ability to rescue all those in need. How kind of him to think of sending those very pants to a child with nothing.
That grand gesture got me thinking about my own pants. Or lack of them. My pants don't make me feel very special at all. They don't reflect how I feel about myself. Or worse, maybe they do...
What do I live in? Cheap plain everyday pants made of cotton with barely a swish or a ribbon. Four for a fiver. That's what I think I deserve.
Well, I deserve more. And so do you.
What's your favourite pair of pants? A slinky pair? Maybe even a superwoman pair? And... how often do you wear them? Are they saved for special occasions or do you have a silky pair for every day of the week?
I have a drawer full of delicious underwear - you can see some below. It makes me feel beautiful and special - but most of the time, it just lives in that drawer, hiding from moths.
And what about the infamous Bridget Jones 'magic pants' - do you have a pair of those? I have those. I most definitely have those. I test-drove my own personal magic pants in a tiny changing room full of empty cardboard boxes - my enthusastic sweaty wriggling and jiggling to get the ridiculous things over my thighs very nearly resulted in a public humiliation tumble of Starsky and Hutch car crash proportions.
In the years since having children, I've probably worn a pair of tummy-tucker magic pants more times than I can remember, certainly more often than I've worn any of those lovely silk knickers.
And which of these pants truly are magic? Which make me feel better about myself?
Is it the squish-in flatten-down bulge-at-the-bottom uncomfortable-if-you-sit-down pair that makes me look like I like lettuce more than chocolate?
Or is it the let-it-all-go silky soft lace-ties knickers in which I could happily lounge around the house dipping my toes in a chocolate fountain all day?
I'd say it's the latter. And I really should wear them more often.
And yet Kate Middleton walks out of hospital 24 hours after birth and everyone is surprised that she hasn't strapped her bump into tummy-flattening pants. That's the world we live in. No wonder I don't bother to treat my body with knickers that feel wonderful.
Well, I hope Kate was wearing her very best knickers along with the humongous post-birth pads. Because us mums should be celebrating our beautiful mum-bodies and proudly treating them to the very best. We should all be wearing our favourite silk pants every day, even when there's no one else around to see them.
My son's Emergency Pant Mission has reminded me that instead of trying to pretend I'm not a hard-working loving mother who has carried and birthed two beautiful kind children and has the rounded soft miraculous belly and bottom to prove it, I should be celebrating my beauty with special pants. Not pants that magically turn me into someone else. Pants that make me feel the magic I already am.
Pants that love my body just as it is, and all that it has made. Pants that feel good. Pants that remind me as I slip them on: Me, in these pants? I'm an everyday sexy superwoman responsible for miracles. And so are you.
Emergency. Send pants!
How about you? Do you treat yourself to special pants...? Let us know below.
This month we're celebrating our mum-bodies with an Ode To Mum-Bodies - join in and add a line to our communal poem! You can also visit amazing inspiring posts from mums, and see honest brave pictures of the bits of our mum-bodies we'd like to love more over at Love Mum Body.