Decades and still a bad mummy at times

My goodness I have had so many decades to clock up badness as a mummy, that I don't want to start wondering ( yet) if I might be a bad grand mummy! Too many distant , not so foggy, memories of shouting, or losing my patience and deciding the only way to manage a couple of tinies was to get OUT of the house and into a public setting where I could be 'seen' as managing. Much more recently at least 3 decades into being a mum, though 'child' in question was less than 30, I was definitely a bad mummy because I tried too hard to be good and helpful. Instead I think I overstepped the line of concern and involvement in a relationship 'event'. I felt so worried that my 'child' might be alone, lonely that I lost sight of the necessary loving distance and holding - that almost impossible balance mums searches for. Bad mummy in that instance! Well, luckily I have the possiiblity of talking and reflecting with my 'child'. All is well enough, though my guilt feels cemented in somewhere. Need a big grinder!!