So my fionce (Cliff) and I (Alice) have been engaged for 9 months and are rather impatiently awaiting the big day in 2 months time!!! As you will get to know Cliff and I, you will begin to realise impulsive and impatient would be better suited names for us both. I have planned the wedding to absolute perfection and have every single detail fully under control, Cliff not so much, he goes to work brings home the bacon and listens to me waffle on for hours about colour schemes and flowers and desperately tries to remember what I'm saying as he know he will be pop quizzed on this in the morning. The stage we at now is the worst part...the waiting game!!! We are desperate to get married and start living in marital bliss (snorts when she laughs), but what it is we are reeeeeaaallly waiting for is to start a little family. We are trying to be somewhat traditional and have the idea that it's best we wait until we are married until we fall pregnant, but both don't really care nor want to wait. We constantly talk about when we will start trying, will it be honeymoon, or could we perhaps try before and then find out on honeymoon? Decisions, decisions... We weigh up the pro's and cons and change our minds daily. What we inevitably both know is that Miss Impatient and Mr Impulsive will spend days talking about this incessantly decide that we should wait until the honeymoon, and then go and do the complete opposite. Which is exactly what we did. March the 8th 2012, with only 2 months to wait until our wedding day we break all the rules and in a night of intoxicated passion we do the naughty for the very first time without any protection what so ever!!! We took the plunge...it all felt very exciting for a few days, but neither of us really believed that one naughty mistake would change our lives forever, and so both swore to stop being so darn impatient from that day forth and just blooming wait until we were married. It's only 2months for god's sake!!!
But from that very day a little seed had planted in more ways than one. I just felt different, I know I know it's all very cliche, but I just did - ok?! I tested my impatiantness to the very max and kept quiet for a few days, knowing I was due on my period on the 16th, I didn't have very long at all to wait to find out. But my god did those 8 days test me. Who am I kidding, I didn't just sit around not knowing for 8 days...day 4 I bought myself a pregnancy test, one of those super duper electronic badboys and had my little wee and waited the excruciating 3 minutes until it flashed up .... NEGATIVE. Of course it was negative, what was I thinking. Out I went to Cliff told him what I had been up to and he held me and comforted me and we laughed about how impatient I am and how we just won't be pregnant, it's just not possible. I went to bed that night a little disappointed, but not entirely... there was still a little part of my brain that said somethings different. So day 5 I'm up at the crack of dawn desperate for a wee, but this time I wanted the first wee of the day for that little stick...it must have been negative because my wee was weak. So tests bought, one boots own, one first response (for early results before a missed period), I burst through the door and can hardly undo the packets before I wee everywhere and I wait... NEGATIVE, NEGATIVE. Ok so now I feel really silly, I'm such a loser, I have sex once and I'm becoming a deluded desperate woman. Thats it... no more, I will await the arrival of my period and put all this to bed.
March 16th... I'm checking my knickers like a woman possessed.
March 17th still nothing, clean panties, not period pain in sight...things are looking up!
March 18th...Dinner with my girls, that night I had been bursting to see my two bestie's Sammie and Clare. We had arranged a dinner at good old Pizza Express and I was literally bursting to talk pregnancy with them. Neither of them knew we were even thinking of trying for a baby, so I didn't quite let them know how crazy I had been over the last few days but they soon realised that I was very seriously in need of some female support and advice. Clare said instantly - your pregnant, I just know it. Sammie said, ok lets be calm...no more crazed test buying and gave me a target to wait 3 more days before testing, and I was to call them both as soon as I knew either way. Ok so I had a goal now, 3 more days to wait, but surely at the end of those days we will have an answer.
March 22nd... I had my tests at the ready, Cliff was home this time and was telling me not to be disappointed we can keep trying and it would be very very very unlikely to be positive after 3 negatives and on our first try, ClearBlue my chosen brand, into the loo I went. I've given in to waiting sensibly for the entire 3 minutes by this point and I watch it like a hawk as the pee seeps up the stick soaking the little blue line, the negative begins to form as always, and my heart sinks a little, but then...oh wait, is that other line starting to emerge...is that the beginnings of a cross...noooo, is it? Surely not, but well... maybe? Ok now I'm passing, Cliff hears the toilet flush, ''Babe?'' I hear him say, out I walk slowly, stick in had and say ''Well its not a negative nor a positive''. At this point we are all a fluster, we don't know whether to be happy or sad or laugh or cry, we have a little cuddle and both stare longingly at the little faint cross thats sort of appeared. 2 minutes later we are up searching for the packet and the instructions reading desperately about false positives and what the test should look like. It very much looks like a weak positive, but an even weaker than weak one if you know what I mean. Then the texts come flooding in from the girls... Sammie: BABE...U OK, U TAKEN THE TEST? CLARE: YAY OR NAY??? TELL ME AS SOON AS YOU KNOW!
What do I do now? So we decide after hours of googling false positives and unclear results we decide that once again the ONLY bloody thing to do is WAIT.... my favourite word!!!
March 23rd, Cliff goes to work, I go and pee, first morning pee, now 9 days late for my period, the desperate feeling that I am pregnant I must be, something feels different, but only these silly negative and unclear tests to tell me the answer I take what I've decided is my final test. The emotional roller coaster has been excruciating and I can't even begin to imagine what couples go through when they have been trying for months and months...I truly couldn't handle this every month. And so I wee and watch and wait... this time I see it, you may have to squint a little but I'm sorry that is definitely a faint cross, it looks much more like the weak positive from the instructions booklet and is definitely not a negative.
My heart is thumping, I immediately snap a picture on my phone and email it to Cliffy, it's positive enough for me I write and I book into the doctors immediately. I confirm the results with the doctor, although she doesn't take a blood test she says thats positive enough and gives me an early pregnancy pack and off I walk into the sunshine with the most overwhelming happiness I have ever experienced. A mothers intuition they say is something quite magical and it was, through all the doubt and negativity, I always knew. A little seed had planted in me and from that day onward it was just a matter of proving myself and my new little creation to the world. Cliff calls me in hysterics, the first time he has fully let himself believe he is going to be a daddy and he is so overwhelmed and happy and races home to be with me as we embark on the journey of parenthood together.